Valentines day is coming up. This is not a holiday that I celebrate. In years gone by it has been a crushing disappointment for me. And then I got a job working for Clintons cards, that was the final nail in the coffin for valentines day and me.
Before lovely boyfriend there were other boyfriends, and a husband. Each year as February neared I would get excited at the prospect of a lovely, thoughtful gift, or a romantic poem.
Each year I would be horrified at the cheesy, impractical, thoughtless rubbish that I would have to feign joy over. One boyfriend bought me a giant teddy holding a big red heart. It was made out of itchy, touching it upset my fingerprints. I am NOT a twee, teddy enjoying girl. The only teddies in my house have been dog toys for nearly a decade now. Frankie eats the eyes, pulls the stuffing out through the face hole and humps them.
I don’t really like cut flowers, especially not as a representation of love, you sit and watch them die, is this a reflection of the love? I would prefer a plant that you can keep alive, it may be a bit more work, but then aren’t relationships?
The unnecessary cost bothers me a lot too. After working in a card shop I saw flustered people buying cards that came in boxes with a £20 price tag. That is stupid. Most people don’t recycle cards either, so there are mountains of wasted trees in landfills, caked in glitter, filled with sentiment that all ended up in the wheelie bin. The environmental cost is just as damaging as the financial one.
So last year, that would have been mine and lovely boyfriends first valentines day together, I informed him not to bother. This sparked much confusion within poor lovely boyfriend’s brain. He checked frequently that I actually meant this. He outright asked if it was a strange “woman test” and if he didn’t get me a card would he be in serious trouble.
I repeatedly reassured him that he didn’t need to subscribe to a corporate holiday to prove that he loved me. If he wanted to cook dinner, do the washing, take the dogs out for me or any other lovely gesture then that would be happily received, but I did not want any other sort of gift.
When valentines day came around he woke nervously. He seemed sheepish and worried. As the minutes passed (and I hadn’t started to beat him around the head with a shoe) it slowly dawned on him that I was completely fine with the lack of valentines junk in our house.
He proves to me on a daily basis that he loves me. By going out and working hard to keep a roof over mine and dribble face’s heads. By watching Japanese anime that he hates. By getting into bed with me every night and holding me close. And by telling me that he loves me.
That is more than enough for me.
Some of my girlfriends are of the opinion that men folk do very little and once a year men should go all out to prove the love, that women deserve to be spoiled and romanced. I wonder why women have decided that we are the ones that have to be romanced? I have mentioned before that I used to work for Ann Summers. Women would come in at this time of year and buy up all of the red underwear. This would be the man’s reward. If he came home, struggling under a pile of flowers, chocolates, teddies and jewellery, (bank account crying at the lack of money within it) then took her out to a fancy restaurant for dinner (bank account contemplating faking suicide to claim life insurance to deal with the giant hole in it) then upon their return home she would put on expensive lingerie (who’s bank account did that money come out of? We may need to remortgage the house) and give him a blow job.
And this my friends is modern romance. If you spend enough money then I will place your genitals in my mouth and leave them there until you have an orgasm (not the usual half hearted effort that I do until you relent and just have sex with me).
Well not for me. I would rather have great sex whenever the mood strikes me and my partner. I would rather tell him that I love him whenever I feel it. I would rather save the money so that we are financially secure and happy. (and lucky lovely boyfriend, I have tonnes of Ann Summers underwear as I worked there, its my everyday stuff, he barely notices it, he is trying to get to what is underneath it.)
So happy valentines for next week everyone. I hope that it brings you all that your heart desires. For me it will just be another day, hopefully filled with love and happiness just like all of the others.