I am having one of those brilliant days where everything has gone smoothly. I am sat here with a bowl of porridge and a vanilla latte, listening to the washing machine whirring. The baby is having a nap, the kitchen and bathroom are clean. I have hoovered and changed the bed. Total domestic goddess win. I even had enough time to wash my dreads in the shower today.
As I clean I like to either listen to music or have you tube chattering away to me in the background. One of my favourites being Russel Brand’s The Trews. This morning I was listening to him talk about Australia being a mean bunch of promise breaking arseholes, who are not willing to live up to the agreement that made made about accepting asylum seekers into their (super massive, has LOADS of empty bits) country.
For those of you that haven’t seen or heard of The Trews (because you are scared of the internet or live in a cave) it is Russel Brand telling us all of the bits of the news that are either totally unreported or given to us with such a skewed version of the truth that we are lead to believe pretty much the opposite to what actually went on.
Now I have always been a fan of Russel Brand. From his initial introduction to us on a Big Brother talk show. (when Big Brother was still fresh and we wanted to watch it) He was all big hair, skinny jeans and guy liner. What was there not to like? He was funny and very easy on the eye.
As his media persona has grown I have liked him all the more. Russel is super honest about himself, he is a recovering (recovered? I am not totally sure what the term is) drug addict, he was an avid fan of sexy times and merrily slammed his junk into any/all willing parties.
He was real, really real. He didn’t try to make himself super shiny for the rest of us to approve of him. He had a giant public washing line festooned with every bit of dirty laundry that he had ever made, all covered in vomit and jizz stains for us to look at. I like that.
Less of the teeth whitened, spray tanned, personal trainer whipped and unrealistic stars that we are offered these days. They are tweaked to perfection and then we all wait with baited breath to see a photo of them eating a cake with no make up on so that we can laugh at them. This is something that I can not stand. Oh no! A woman in her thirties that has given birth to three children has a tiny bit of cellulite!! EVERYONE POINT AND STARE AT HER IMPERFECTIONS NOW! SHE ATE SOME CHEESE!!! What a lardy bitch!
But none of this with Mr Brand. He openly laughs at his not so fine moments. He has written several books encouraging us to do so too.
Russel married Katy Perry! (Ok so it didn’t work out but I can say from personal experience that being married can sometimes not be all it is cracked up to be) Regardless of the fact that it didn’t last as long as they both thought it would when they entered into it, I loved seeing them together, they both have a pretty sweet tattoo to remind them of each other forever. And Katy Perry (as far as I can tell from what version of her is shown to me in the press) is super cool, smokin’ hot and hilarious. I would certainly not kick her out of bed for eating toast.
Russel then got to be a film star, how unbelievably awesome! And was type cast quite a bit so he didn’t even have to try that hard to do acting. Brilliant. I wouldn’t mind at all if a Hollywood producer wrote a script for me to go and be in a mega film as a very sarcastic English woman, who smokes too much, loves dogs, rum and wants to be a writer. I could nail the shit out of that role.
These days Russel sits on his bed in a towel (it’s like we are friends, I know what his duvet cover looks like) and tells me about what is REALLY happening in the world. His cat wanders around in the background, he gets people to come and chat to him that never get the air time that they deserve. I think THE MAN assumes that we won’t pay any attention to Russel as he has been open about his past mistakes. The media have been very quick to write him off as a bit of an idiot after he told everyone not to vote. I find it amazing that this would be a reason cited to not listen to his point of view.
I have always said that if you don’t vote then you can’t moan about the state of society, because you had your chance to have a say and you chose not to take it. The older I get the more I see that is not the case at all. I listen to policies. I choose the party that I think will try to fuck me over the least.
However they all seem to be secretly holding hands under the table, paying for each other to go on holiday and all having big orgy parties where they can have a jolly laugh about the regular atrocities that they commit, outside the law, outside society, because they all have enough money to somehow not be included in the same set of rules that govern the rest of us.
So hooray for Russel Brand. I don’t agree with all of his opinions, especially not when he was disagreeing with Stephen Fry about the existence of God (all hail to Stephen, I agree with him, Jesus does not want any of us for a sunbeam or to quote Monty python, “he is not the messiah, he is a very naughty boy!”) But I gobble up The Trews, I like that there is someone out there trying to help us all with information.
And I love the central message. Which as far as I can work out is that we are all people. And that as people we should be loving one another. Not being capitalists who will dick over each others grandmothers if need be, to see who can have the biggest pile of money to roll around in, at the expense of our planet and our humanity.
I can really get with that program. Much more than I can with trying to trust the group of posh boys that we over pay to ruin our country. For example the preservation of the national health service. I recently made a human come out of my body. I got to go to a lovely hospital. They were worried that my new tiny person was malfunctioning so they gave him lots of tests and antibiotics. While they were carrying out these tests they housed me and my mini one, they fed me, they checked on us every three hours. They were marvelous.
Without the national health service I may not have been deprived of sleep for the last four months by my multi chinned dribble face (they have been some of the most trying, yet rewarding and happy months of my whole life). If lovely boyfriend had been the one responsible for delivering our son, and repairing the damage done by him on the way out, then attending to our baby’s health needs, neither of us would still be here. I am eternally grateful to the staff at the hospital and to the country for having that service to provide my family. I hope that we will be able to continue to enjoy such a luxury.
So fly that flag high Mr Brand, keep up the good work ( my child falls asleep to the sound of your voice now because I watch The Trews whilst feeding him. Your shouty, laughing rants seem to soothe him, he smiles every time he hears the theme tune, I now NEED you to carry on for the sake of calm in my home) . And if you want to keep on doing it in a towel, that would certainly be fine with me.