I want to suck your joy!

Wouldn’t it be lovely if everyone could just get along? When good things happen to people that we could all smile and feel happy that they are having an awesome time? That gossip was only there to edify people “have you heard that so and so has a new boyfriend?”  “no!  Good for so and so, they deserve a bit of love in their life.”  Instead of “Really?   Who would go out with that sour faced, old slag?  I hope he stocked up on condoms, I expect she is riddled with syphilis.”

I changed my life quite dramatically a year and a half ago.  I moved to the outskirts of town after living in the center of it for most of my life.  I changed my career to one that paid terribly but was supposed to give me that warm glow of job satisfaction ( it didn’t quite work out like that, but the good intentions were there) And most importantly I stopped spending time with the people who were no good for me.

We all have them, those vampire friends, that constantly use you as a dumping ground for problems. That suck every ounce of energy out of you.  That always need to “borrow”  money (bye bye money, I will NEVER see you again) That manage to spoil every night out by either having a row with someone, getting so drunk that you have to baby sit them home or turning up with a face like a slapped arse with no intention of doing anything other than sapping the joy out of the occasion.

Nothing is ever good enough, nothing ever goes their way.   They can’t seem to be happy for you when things do go right for you.

So I hoped that they were gone.  See you never again super shitty mate!  I hope you have a brilliant life filled with everything that could ever make you happy, but please do your life a very long way away from mine.

Sadly the nature of of these needy disaster friends makes them incredibly hard to shed.  The friends that I love and would give an internal organ for are all busy living life, and we have an unspoken agreement that we will get in contact when we can, but work, kids, partners and the need to spend time sitting by ourselves with a good book means that we don’t actually see each other as much as we might like.

The bad friends, the ones that don’t seem to realise that I can no longer be a 2am agony aunt due to being a parent and needing any precious seconds of sleep that I can get, are still there in full force.

They also seem to be jealous of my other friendships.  How dare I have gone for coffee with that person? I could have been listening to how their need to have a finger firmly pressed on self destruct at all times has ruined their life again!

This has resulted in gossip, rumours and me wasting time speaking to people that I don’t even know over social media sites who are trying to justify why they didn’t say (alright there buddy, I can smell your underwear sizzling from here) that thing.


I enjoy having social media accounts to keep in touch with people that live abroad or ages away for free, I also like to share pictures of my progeny looking grumpy, happy, sleepy etc…( give me a break, you create life and then try not to take a billions pictures of it.  If Dr Frankenstein had a Facebook it would have been covered in monster pictures, I guarantee it. ) and the fluffy family are all regularly stars of my news feed doing the myriad of cute canine things that they get up to.

When I realise that I have spent hours and hours of my day listening to bullshit instead of doing the things that I actually wanted to do, it makes me wish that I had listened to my sister more.

We all have people in our lives that know us better than we know ourselves.  They give us the most sound advice.  Usually we never listen to them, and nearly always regret it.  My sister is that person for me.


I am very lucky to have such a close relationship with my sister, I know not everyone gets along with their siblings.  If she wasn’t my sister, she would still be my friend.  She has done things that make her super uncomfortable just to make me happy (unlike me, my sister was not born with the “LOOK AT ME” gene that I have.)  She was a bridesmaid at my wedding and did her best not to look like she wanted to die the entire day.  I have dragged her to many places where she doesn’t know anyone and forced her to make conversation with them (only ok if preceded by the liberal application of booze)

481915_10151942591165594_52634794_nEach time that I have introduced her to a person that has ended up causing me pain and heartache, she has warned me that it would happen.  I have never listened.  Now when I call her and she asks after them, she always puts an “I told you so” in there.  And quite rightly too, because she did.

No matter what I do, or how many times I try to be rational, to defend my friends to each other, to dispense good advice, nothing seems to sate the vampire.  They are not Louis from Anne Rice’s Interview with a vampire.  They will never be content feeding on vermin so as not to harm society.  They instead like to be where everyone can see them, rushing around taking big, greedy bites out of anyone foolish enough to politely ask “How are you?” ( we are British, this is a default setting, most of the time we could not care less how you are.  The stock response to this stock question is “I’m fine”  when will you learn this?!)


So I have pledged to myself that I am going to try and think more like my sister when meeting new people.  I might get a w.w.r.d.  (what would Rose do?) band made.


I am going to continue to try and reduce the amount of drama in my life.  And hopefully one day soon it will be gone completely. ( I expect they will all make friends with each other and have an Aimee sucks group, where they can all be upset at what an appalling friend I have become, and more power to them, whatever gets you through your day that doesn’t involve ruining mine)


  1. “If Dr Frankenstein had a Facebook it would have been covered in monster pictures, I guarantee it” bwahahahaha!

    Nyyawwww thanks doll, you are brilliant and my friends and boyfriend have to spend a million hours listening to me listing all the reasons why. I will always be there sloshed out of my skull when you need me (no more bridemaids pictures though, I look like a chubby little boy in a giant fancy fabric napkin). You should totally get one of those! I’d love it if you had a w.w.r.d bracelet!

    I love you a mega fuck ton and would definitely want to be your friend even if we weren’t full of the same crazy blood (I wonder if I have goth blood too hmmmmm)

    Extra love > x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

    Liked by 1 person

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