Today I am made of germs. This is because last night lovely boyfriend and I got a baby sitter and planned to have a date night. This is the first time that we had planned to do this since we became parents.
Our plan was to go to the cinema, watch a film, cuddle in the dark, you know the sort of thing that you do with someone that you love when you get some time to be alone with them.
We left the small one with the grandparents, armed with teething granules, a bottle of expressed breast milk, a pile of teething toys and a travel cot.
By the time that we arrived at the cinema I had sneezed roughly a million times and my nose was a constant streaming mess. We stood in the foyer of the cinema and realised that we had no idea what was showing. The answer, NOTHING GOOD. I resent having to pay over ten pounds to go to the cinema anyway, but there was no way that we were doing that to watch something that wasn’t awesome.
So we decided instead to go for a meal. Lovely boyfriend likes a bargain. There is an all you can eat Chinese restaurant near the cinema. I was closed last summer due to food poisoning a bunch of people. This did not stand in the way of lovely boyfriend’s decision. His reasoning that is he people were probably ill from just eating too much and that we should go anyway.
So we did. I think the reason that it is, all you can eat, is that it is not very nice. So although you could eat loads, you don’t really want to. As we sat together enjoying eating at a leisurely pace (instead of shoveling food into my face at an unhealthy pace for fear that I will be called upon for mummy duty) and each others company, a pile of used and snot drenched tissues was amassing at my side.
My back hurts all of the time (although I recently made it worse by moving the heaviest sofa in the world and then rearranging our bedroom by myself so that lovely boyfriend didn’t try to do those things with whiplash) but my hips, elbows, neck and knees were joining in the being made of pain game. My head was getting fuzzy and I was starting to accept the horrible realisation that I was getting ill.
Not wanting to have the first bit of time we had alone together I was trying to put on a brave face. Sadly my face doesn’t do that, it must have instead been looking a bit more like I wanted someone to euthanise me. Lovely boyfriend suggested that we go and buy a DVD, get the baby and cuddle up at home. (yet another reason that he is my lovely boyfriend)
Upon arrival to the grandparents house, my darling boy (who I expected to be fast asleep in his travel cot) was red faced, crying and angry. He completely refuses to accept breast milk from anything that is not a breast. He doesn’t really like being cuddled by anyone that is not me if I am in the room. I feed him, he angrily gnashed at my boob until he was sated and instantly passed out.
Luckily his Nanny just loves him, even when he is being horrible. She didn’t mind at all that he had staged an angry, dribbling hunger strike. I am concerned however that he is going to be one of THOSE kids. Hanging off my leg, refusing to give up breastfeeding, unable to be left with anyone that doesn’t have the patience of a saint and a set of ear defenders.
I then notice that the tiny one is snuffling in his sleep. He has the germs too. WINNER. Not only must I contend with my own feelings of near death, now I also have his to manage, along with teething. GLORIOUS.
BEST. NEWS. EVER.
This will teach me for trying to do something without him.
Universe, I feel suitably punished. If I promise to never venture further than Tesco ever again can we all be well again?