Relationship graveyard.

When you live in the same city for most of your life certain areas become what I refer to as relationship graveyard.  There are some places that I will not go for a drink for fear of bumping into some of my previous life choices that I regret for a multitude of reasons.

Not every previous relationship has ended badly, I remain good friends with a few of my former bed fellows. As years pass, and time heals, there are people from my past who I used to fantasize about the grizzly end I felt they deserved, that I can now smile at if I pass them in the street.

However, there are two in particular that I do not forgive.

They used me loving them as a way to either hurt me physically, emotionally and in one of the cases financially as well.  It took me a long time to put the pain of these relationships behind me, and several innocent bystanders who dated me not long after the demise of those relationships did not have a great time as I was still dragging an enormous trailer of baggage around that I would attach to any new relationship for fear of a repeat performance.

I can now proudly say that I have dealt with those issues and I can love freely without putting a big dirty smear of doubt on my current relationships based on a previous partner’s behaviour.

I can happily say that not all men will lie to me, they won’t all cheat on me, men are capable of financing their own lives.  It is not normal to have arguments because you discover that your partner is a secret drug dealer/has transformed the spare room into a forest of marijuana/is stealing directly from the business you are working for/slept with your best friend/took out a loan in your name/stole your bank card and got your account ten thousand pounds in debt/was punchy/told you constantly that you were fat when you were so skinny that you looked like a lolly pop/gave you a festering S.T.I that you have no idea how long you had it for due to infidelity/tried to convince you that you are a paranoid lunatic every time you get close to discovering the truth of who they actually are  (actual life events).

Don’t worry dear reader, I managed to spread these terrible life events over several relationships from the age of sixteen to thirty one.  To write some of the examples of my relationship failures down in a big long list would be upsetting you might think.  Actually it isn’t.  It is freeing to see all of the challenges that I have over come.  (I am still in a huge amount of debt from one of the relationships, so I haven’t actually overcome that one yet, but emotionally I have dealt with it.)

I am proud that although I have experienced some of the more negative aspects of entrusting your heart to someone that you probably shouldn’t have, I am still fine.

I am lucky to have lovely boyfriend.  He is a shining example of how to do it right.  Obviously he is not perfect, but if I had to chose picking up socks and always having to clean the bathroom after him or an emotional abusive secret drug baron, pass me the toilet brush every time.

What I have noticed lately is that relationship graveyard has expanded its territory.  No longer am I safe just not going to that pub.  It has been creeping onto my beloved social networking sites.  It starts with a slightly irritating “people you might know” suggestion.  You are confronted with a smiling picture of them, quite often with their face pressed into the face of a girl that you recognise, maybe from when you hacked their facebook account because you knew they were cheating and needed proof, maybe because it’s one of your former best girlfriends (both have happened)

I would like to suggest that they introduce a “yes, I know them, they are a douchebag” button.  Then they can be stored in a douchebags that you know group and everything that they do will be shielded from you without the need to add to a block list, faffing around in your settings (which I always find annoying). And also if you need to contact them to discuss your divorce/debt repayments/furniture exchange you can still message them privately (which you can’t do if blocked).

That way, you can still get surprise messages usually containing apologies as they have grown as a person and finally realise that they were a douchebag and have changed their ways, or they want career advice or sometimes they try and booty call you (have you not seen my breastfeeding profile picture?  DUDE SERIOUSLY, NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST LIVING MAN ON EARTH.) Which is not the best, but at least you don’t have to see them having jolly fun times with your previous friends, or marrying someone else, with shockingly similar wedding ideas to the ones that you planned together on lazy Sunday afternoons when you thought that they were “the one”.

There will be no need to pretend to be the bigger person when mutual friends ask if you have seen their good news online.  “Oh that guy?  I douchebagged him.”  Instead of “Yes, I am so glad that he is happy now”  (ENORMOUS LIE, I wish that he was with someone that would do to him all of the things that he did to me.)

As time goes by and memories of those failed disasters fade, so should their presence in my life.  I have no need to lay flowers at the gravestones of relationships gone by.  I don’t want to catch up about that time, I don’t really want to be friends now, unless of course we were friends straight away because you didn’t break my heart/brain.

Soon lovely boyfriend and I will be moving, and managing a business together.  It will be glorious.  I don’t know if the graveyard will have spread that far.  But just in case it has, and you are reading (in a “I wonder if this is about me way”) this and wondering if you should pop in for a drink, the answer is no (It probably is about you).

Let’s carry on not drinking in the same pub, not hanging out with the same people and not being friends.  Let’s leave it in the graveyard where it belongs.

7 comments

  1. I can totally relate to this post! I’m still friends with a couple of my ex’s friends and his mother and every now and again I would see him tagged in posts or him commenting on one of their posts. You would think that I’d be over it by now since we split up in January but every time I saw his name memories came flooding back. I decided to block him last week and now no reminders 🙂 You can’t be friends with someone who’s hurt you and cheated on you, no matter how many years have passed. I always tell myself why would I want a lier and a cheat as a friend.

    Just to digress, I was so happy to nominate you for The Versatile Blogger Award 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I relate to this so so much, it was so hard for me after my last break up to rebalance and get the courage to realise even my own mistakes and move forward to finally realise that I was also tarring the same crap that I was carrying onto everyone new.

    My relationship with Mark now has taught me so much and my closet is well and truly opened and cleared out for me to work through. Facing those demons hasn’t been easy but it’s bee a weight lifted at least.

    I really like your honesty in your posts Aimee. Glad you’re happy chick.xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It makes me happy to see you are happy. I know I am the lamest friend regarding actually catching up but I do think of my friends. Excited for you guys and your new venture! Xxx

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s