As children we are taught the old adage, if you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. You may have noticed that I have had a break from writing. This is because I had been feeling exhausted and not all that positive. Every time that I sat down to write I realised that I was just on a moaning rant. So I stepped away from the keyboard and had a look at why I was feeling this way.
After all, I am the master of my own destiny. If I want positive changes to happen in my life then I am the only person responsible for making it happen.
So after some inward searching I identified the source of my problems. As usual it is never something simple. But the crux of the matter seemed to be that I was far too tired and that I didn’t have any money. The second fact was a bit annoying, as I was so tired because of the hours I was keeping by doing my job. And job is supposed to mean money, right? I was loving my job, working in a fun, busy pub in town, it was great to have some grown up time, listen to live music and make friends with the other staff and the regular customers. It was starting to feel as comfortable and reliable as your favourite slippers, the kind that you will never want to throw away, even if they start to smell like a fish has died in them.
I wouldn’t get home until nearly 3am after a shift. before I became a mummy that would have been fine, but now it just doesn’t suit my life style. I would ninja creep through my house after undressing in front of the washing machine, try and sneak into bed next to lovely boyfriend so that I didn’t wake him up and hope that the mini human didn’t use his boob seeking spidey sense to notice that I had returned. Then the teeth that decided to wait until a week before his first birthday to cut through, all started to arrive, at once. This meant that my poor little dribble face would be awake, screaming, with foul smelling, exploding acid nappies.
I was averaging three hours sleep a night. In the daytime the teething pain seemed to be forgotten and replaced with running, running at every possible dangerous thing in my home. Raising a toddler is amazing, I love watching my little person find himself, all of his little personality traits starting to come out. The realisations that you make, such as, all of the money you have spent on toys was wasted, we should have just gotten him a pair of house keys cut and never thrown away any old mobile phone chargers, as these are the best treasure that there is in the world. It takes it out of you though. From the early hours in the morning you must be ready to leap into action whilst also trying to be a toddler chef and keep on top of the mess in the house, which has suddenly quadrupled, as “posting” everything and anything under, behind, on top of is a super fun game. I have to keep a very close eye on glasses and keys as lovely boyfriend and I are frequently blindly trying to find both as part of the leaving the house routine now.
I had everything that I thought I had wanted, a fun job with great people and a wonderful family.
I worked every hour that the pub was open, but they only opened three nights a week, so I wasn’t doing enough hours to bring in the amount of money that I needed. I was missing out on spending any time with lovely boyfriend between Thursday morning and Sunday night. Worst of all, I was worrying that I wasn’t being a good enough mummy to my mini man or the fluffy family due to massive tiredness.
My social life was pretty much dead, people like to hang out at the weekends. Weekends were a write off for me. My friends were becoming a bit of a fuzzy, distant memory to me. I love my friends, I like to have coffee or lunch with them (which costs money that I didn’t have).
It was starting to make me very sad.
It is hard to be a grown up and make proper choices to enable your life to be successful sometimes. On my way to work I drove past another, much closer to my house pub (and closer to Nanny and Granddad’s who take care of dribble face while I work). They had a sign out the front asking for staff. I realised that this could be the answer to my problems. I emailed over my CV and waited.
So three weeks ago I waved goodbye to my lovely old pub. It was nerve wracking and a bit sad.
New pub is awesome though, like when you finally cave in to your family’s complaints about your smelly slippers and buy a new, memory foam leopard print pair, and as much as you still love your old ones, there is no denying how comfortable and stylish and odor free your new pair are.
I am home before lovely boyfriend goes to bed so I get to see more of him. I get a decent amount of sleep (well, as much as any parent does). I get more hours so more money. And I finish two hours before old pub closes, so I hope to be able to pop in for the occasional pint!
I am so happy that I decided to make a positive change in my life. It was so much easier than I had built it up in my head to be. So if you are worrying that things in your life are making you unhappy, I would recommend giving yourself a little talking to and taking the plunge into something new. Staying in a miserable rut is no good for you.